Clark4Prez

There is a little heard of condition that is affecting millions of baby boomer males and will undoubtedly affect millions more unless something is done about it. For just as gravity (in its relentless quest to bring everything that is up, down) takes hold a woman’s mammary glands and pulls them ever closer to earth as the years go by, so does it take hold of a man’s scrotum. My administration will take immediate steps to make life easier for those men who suffer from this oft times debillitating condition.

One of the first things the Small administration would do would be to enact legislation to raise the minimum clearance from seat to water line on a toilet stool. We Rennesaince Rednecks believe this will help men and women alike.

The benefits to men would be enormous. No more getting up at 4:00 a.m. to get ready to go to work, still feeling warm and cozy from the bed, only to squat and sit on the porcelain throne and being shocked by the sudden sensation of one’s nutsack hitting the icy cold water of the toilet bowl. This gives new meaning to the old joke……”This water’s cold”….”Yeah, deep too”

Although the benefits to women may not be as great, We are sure it will help some. Our plan would surely keep thousnads of nipples off the cold marble tile of the bathroom floor. It is our understanding that grout chafe is quite miserable. This one smiple measure will help relieve the misery of millions of people.

Remember, the Rennesaince Redencks will work to help make this a dryer more comfortable America.

One final thing, if you stop by to read this please take a moment or two to leave a brief comment. Feedback, what little I receive, helps our election commitee to decide what are the “hot button” issues.

I have a new plan for the middle east that is quite different than anything even I have proposed in the past.

We publish a graphic history of our nation from the time the first Pilgrims landed up until the time we had finally taken all the land we wanted from the Native Americans*. We print it in all of the major dialects and languages of four or five middle eastern trouble spots. Then every day for a month we drop these condensed American Histories all over the middle east. Then we do nothing.

After three months we drop millions more history books. For another month we drop these books, every single day. Twenty-four hours a day, books dropping everywhere. Then we do nothing.

Three months later we sail a fleet of two hundred triple masted schooners into the persian gulf. Each majestic ship loaded with as many men dressed in traditionl pilgrim and puritan attire as the ship can hold. Cannons firing, a public address system booming out in all the languages contained in the book, “See page 17 in your American History Book.”

People would scurry to find their copy of the book. Imagine their shock and horror when they turn to page 17 and find a picture of a typically dressed Puritan.

There would be a mass exodus.

*The Native Americans are now exacting their revenge with casinoes. “Give round eyes more fire water and watch him split kings at the blackjack table”

I haven’t written in a while, I’ve been letting things digest.  I’m still trying to keep down parts of The State of the Union Address. I haven’t received much comment on my previous posts, which is a little disappointing, but we will keep plugging away. I figure that eventually I will write something that so completely pisses someone off they will have to comment. Either that, or someone will finally realize the true genius behind my plans and the groundswell will begin.

There will be more to come on the health care issue but I thought I might tackle some of the meatier issues facing us. Important things, things like gay marriage and abortion, things that can cost a person an election.

Gay marriage? Is this really an issue? I don’t see the big deal. I believe this is only an issue to singe people. Anyone who has been married for very many years knows that, after a while, no matter how much you love your spouse, there are a lot of times that there is nothing remotely gay about being married. So I say let them have at it, they too deserve all the benefits of married life, benefits like the marriage tax penalty, benefits like having to pay attorney fees when you decide you can’t take it any longer and want to leave your partner, benefits like in-laws, the list goes on ad nauseam.

There really is no good transition from gay marriage to abortion, that being said, lets just dive right in. I believe that the woman has the ultimate say so on this matter. It should be entirely up to the individual. It would be nice if the possible father was told, but he should have no say so in the matter. He is entitled to his opinion, but should have no rights in the matter. Let’s face it, had he taken the time to don a condom his lady friend might not have to make a choice. I am thankful, however, that 2 women didn’t choose abortion or my wife and I might not have any children, or at least not the children we have today. When you think about it how could someone like myself, who has come out in favor of doctor assisted suicide be against abortion.

And now for something entirely different.

My staff of volunteer is working on some ideas I had for some changes in the appearance of Clark4Prez.org. Look for them in the future. I’ll try to keep a little more regular schedule for my posts.

Thanks.

Would somebody please check the batteries in George the Lesser’s hearing aid. He must not have heard the news that, depending on what poll you see, about 65% of the American people are opposed to the war in Iraq. If he did hear, you would never know it from his speech Wednesday evening.

Perhaps he is really a Basset Hound in a people disguise. My family has owned Basset Hounds off and on since I was little. We bought a book on raising Bassets one time, the first paragraph contained this passage, “Basset Hounds are a stubborn disciplinary problem”. That could explain his behaviour.

Personally I like to think he is just proving that the slogan for The United Negro College Fund is absolutely true.

A mind is a terrible thing to waste. In Mr. Bush’es case maybe it should be “A mind is a terrible thing”. I support our young men and women in Iraq, I’d like to see them come home. Sending a small amount of extra troops to Iraq and purposely trying to provoke Iran to attack us is not my idea of the way to end this mess.

Anyone who still believes that the whole war is not about oil needs to take their head out of the sand. If there weren’t so much oil over there our government wouldn’t give two hoots in hell about Iran and Iraq. We certainly don’t seem as concerned about North Korea as we do Iran, and North Korea is already testing nukes. Oh, but wait, no oil there is there?

Perhaps Mr. Bush also missed the news from Isreal last week. I seem to recall something about the Isrealis being ready and willing to use tactical nuclear weapons (that would be nuculear to you Mr. President) to destroy Iran’s nuclear capabilities. So what possible reason could we have to provoke an attack? Do I have to say it? We don’t want people that don’t like us to have control over that much OIL. The problem is; no one in that entire part of the world likes us except the Isrealis.

Before it all said and done over there it will have cost approximately one half of a trillion dollars, and no telling how many American lives. I do not hesitate to say that that much money and that many lives could have been better used by building wind farms and coal gasification plants and geothermal power plants. Three thousand plus, brave young men and women could do a lot of useful things with that kind of cash.

Truth is, Mr. Bush scares me and I’m not afraid of much. I wasn’t this scared when I was little and had to hide under my desk in school to practice what to do in the event of a nuclear attack. Mr. Bush is a loose cannon, a lone wolf, a single tumbleweed on the plains of world politics. I, for one, feel it is not to early to start impeachment proceedings.

Thanks

This is the tough part of the health care issue. Anybody can say “everybody should have health care” but how do we pay for it? I don’t have a staff to crunch the numbers for me, but I have some ideas. They may seem a bit harsh or cruel but we can’t have everything.

First, I believe that the President should have the power of the “line item veto”. I’m sure I could find a lot of fat to trim away from the hog that is government. One of the first things I would stop would be government funding of medical research. We have a population with an ever increasing life expectancy. We can’t take care of our elderly the way we should as it is now. Besides, if researchers stumbled upon a cure for say, cancer, would the average American without health care be able to pay for it. No. So why bother. Lets get health care first, then if there is anything left over we’ll see about research. I would also grant Dr. Jack Kevorkian a full pardon and legalize doctor assisted suicide. It is all about quality and not quantity. It would be similar to the movie “Soylent Green” but we wouldn’t be making food supplements from the corpses.

Another thing that really bothers me that I would fix is drug company advertising. I would make it illegal for drug companies to advertise anywhere but in trade magazines and individual mailings to doctors. Why do I need to know about the latest pill for toenail fungus? I don’t, the drug manufacturers want me to know so I watch for the earliest symptom and go running to my doctor to beg for the new pill. The same for restless leg syndrome, itchy watery eyes, runny nose, e.d., herpes outbreak and…. I think you see where this is going. How many people even knew there was such a thing as restless leg syndrome before they had a medicine to treat it?

I realize parts of this may seem disturbing, but facing our own mortality is always disturbing.

Thanks